Journal #3 - Unforgivable Words

A pang of guilt and blackness was all that surrounded Midori as she sat on her bed. Empty glasses, left over boxes, and a broken mirror was all that could be seen around her room. The loud voices and strong accents filled the next room, as the people who filled that room ignored what went on in the other room, but focused on the business proposal. There was no knocks at her door, no soft spoken voices asking her if she was alright, all she felt was the coldness coming from her window and hatred for everyone in the world. She needed to escape, but in this town that was impossible as everyone seemed to know who you were, what you did, even down to when you brushed your teeth.

Walking over to her window she looked around her room one more time. Knowing she might need a few things she picked up her book bag throwing out everything she needed for school. Hastily, she filled her bag with clothes , her wallet , and food. She walked over to the window, pushing it all the way up, she looked around the room one last time as her gaze fell on a family portrait taken a few months before her brother died. A cold unwanted tear streaked her face as the cold breeze sent shivers down her spine.

As she ran houses, people and everything else in sight became nothing but a blur of colors. She hated this town, the smiling faces that taunted her, the constant questions. As she jumped over the gates a familiar place of comfort came into sight. Her brother’s grave. Midori stared at the cold rock that only left a brief description of who he was. Brother, Loving Friend, Son, she wanted to puke. That didn’t even fully represent the person he was.

Slowly she walked over and sat on the grass, pulling her sweater tightly around her. “Hey, how are you.” she spoke. Instantly laughing to herself, not noticing how her sight became blurred and tears made it down her face. Like he would even answer her. She continued on trying not to feel silly. “I hate it here, I hate that your gone. Why did you leave me here on my own to suffer?” Was this a cruel joke he can’t be gone, why was she wasting her time, if she went home he would be there sitting on the couch teasing her as soon as she walked in.

As she got up, it started to rain slightly. She climbed back over the gate and sprinted down the street as rain began whipping her face even worse than the continuous blurs. Midori walked into her house seeing her brother sitting down on the sofa eating chips just as she suspected. “Do you see what time it is.” he asks shouting so hard her ears rang. “Josh leave me alone.” was all she said storming up the stairs. As she went to slam her door his body slipped through the only space available. “Why can’t you leave me alone.” she yelled. “I was just worried about you.” he replied back. Instantly she felt guilty for yelling, but she would never let him know that. “Really, huh well don’t be.” was all that she said as she pushed him out the room and blasted music on her Ipod. When 10 minutes had passed she walked out of her room, tripping over his body on her way to the kitchen. “What are you doing, your so annoying why can’t you leave and never come back.” Midori yelled closing her room door again.

After falling asleep on her bed, she felt someone gently shaking her asking her to get up. “Uggh leave me alone Josh.” she said refusing to open her eyes. “ Sorry Miss, I really need you to wake up this is a cemetery, I’m really sorry just please go home.” was all that she heard. Midori jumped up taking in the sights of graves , grass and flowers all around her. When she turned around she was haunted by those words once again Brother, Loving Friend, Son. Her heart tightened and she desperately need air. Crying heavily the first time since his death, regretting the last words she ever spoke to him.